The Peak Performance Expert

Are you hiding from success?

Sometimes clients tell me they are frustrated because their hard work is not being recognized or rewarded.  These are people who work hard, are loyal employees, and follow all the rules. So, what’s the problem?  Often it is lack of visibility.  These folks tend to work hard behind the scenes and shrink away from the spotlight. They do not speak up in meetings.  They do not propose new ideas in a public fashion.  They avoid conflict.  They do not publicize their successes.  They do not take risks.  They do not initiate connections with new prospects.  They do not offer to be a speaker at a company event.  As a result,  they are over-looked and forgotten.

The reasons for their reluctance include cultural constraints, shyness, social anxiety, or ignorance about how the “system” works.  The latter can be easily amended.  Once they realize that they need to be more visible, some are able to set up a plan of action and move forward.  This might look like joining a networking group to generate leads  and informing the boss about this initiative.  Or it could be planning to bring up certain topics in a meeting or offering to lead a team.  Or it could be providing the boss with a detailed list of accomplishments.   The thrust is a deliberate campaign to highlight progress and accomplishments.

Some clients know they should do all this but their cultural heritage frowns on such “self-promotion.”  One woman, a Chinese-American, told me that such behavior was not approved of in her culture even though she saw the utility of it for her career.  We were able to find some ways she could become more visible at work without it being too uncomfortable for her. I also taught her how to reframe it as her helping others to succeed (by being a more pro-active team leader) and helping her company reach its financial goals.  Once she saw it wasn’t all about her, she emerged from her cocoon and became a quiet but forceful spokesperson for her company. 

My guys, the irrepressible Red Sox, already have a play-off slot.  They confront  the Los Angeles Angels Wednesday night.  I was tempted to take a mini-break from baseball until then but now I’m not so sure!

Seems to me tonight’s show-down between the White Sox and the Twins will be a  game not-to-be-missed.  The Chi-Sox won Monday night, forcing a tie breaking game tonight.  Not only will tonight’s game be a contest of athletic superiority, it will also be a test of mental toughness.

Young pitcher, Gavin Floyd, performed well for the White Sox on Monday after some initial jitters detected by veteran pitcher, A.J. Pierzynski who tried to break the ice by asking Floyd if he was a “little nervous.”  Floyd laughed and acknowledged he was but, in true baseball fashion said that “it was time to go out there and play baseball. There’s no time to be nervous.”   Later, Pierzynski said, [Floyd] admitted he was nervous, which is good, because if you’re not nervous in that situation, there’s something wrong with you.; just admit it, because everyone is a little nervous in a game when your season is on the line. It’s a good thing because it means you’re alive and you’re into the game. He pitched great.”

It’s refreshing to see athletes admit they are human and experience anxiety in these high stakes situations. I’m reminded of something John Wayne said: “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.”

Yeah.  The test of courage is not an absence of fear but experiencing the fear and forging ahead anyway.  It also helps if you have some tips on how to manage what is manageable.

Tonight, neither team has control over who wins.  (We never have control over any outcome.) They cannot control who is injured, who is feeling exceptionally tired. They cannot control the fact that the other team might be better rested and in better shape.  They cannot control the calls from the umpires. Each man must exhibit superb focus, composure, and confidence.  Mental toughness can trump other factors any day.  Players should focus on things they can control such as their  thinking and their bodily response to stress.

In my post dated 9/19/08, I wrote about a Self-Calming exercise which helps if someone is too revved up.  When we’re too revved up (like Floyd was early on in Monday’s game), we are likely seeing a situation as threatening.  If we see a situation as threatening, our bodies tense up (not good for an athlete) and our brain releases a certain chemical cocktail that affects our ability to think clearly.  Knowing this, an athlete can first, focus on his body, using some means to relax to the level that’s right for him.  (Some players, like Kevin Youkilis, seem to play better at a higher level of arousal than others.)  Often several slow exhales can do the trick.

Then some shift in the internal conversation has to happen.  If Floyd was saying to himself, “Yikes!  This is a BIG game…I can’t screw up…it’s up to me,” of course this would increase his anxiety and adversely affect his focus.  (His focus should be external, not internal.)  It may be that after that little talk with his catcher he was able to change his self-talk to something like, “Yes, this is a big game and I’m prepared. I’ve got a great catcher with lots of experience guiding me and he and others have faith in me.   I’m getting better and better with each pitch.”

All the players tonight have to have similar conversations with themselves. They can’t get caught up in the enormity of the game.  They have to focus on each pitch as if it’s the first.  If a guy makes a mistake, he has to let it go and refocus on the task at hand. If an umpire makes a bad call, he has to let it go and refocus.   Each guy has to go out there and focus on his own process.

And may the best team win!

As a Red Sox fan, I was sure happy to see my team bash the Rays last night however, as an empathic human I did feel bad for Rays’ pitcher,  Scott Kazmir.  He didn’t seem to have it last night.  Nine straight balls in the first inning set up 3 runs brought in by Big Papi’s homer followed by a solo homer by Mike Lowell.  And it went downhill from there!

So what happened?  Kazmir usually fares much better.  Was it the pressure of being so close to the play-offs? He looked ashen, sweaty, uncomfortable.  After the game Kazmir said, “It felt like my body wasn’t there…I felt flat. I didn’t have the strength.”   And it showed.  What might have contributed to such a state?  Well, anxiety can sure do that. Illness can too but Kazmir never said he was ill, just not mentally present.

It’s always a point of curiousity when an otherwise good performer falters. In my last blog I wrote about Jon Lester’s ability to ward off “bad thoughts.” I’ll never know what Kazmir’s thought process was prior to and during the game but I can conjecture that he felt the pressure of the responsibility of winning the game.  The sensation of feeling like one’s body isn’t there is typical for an anxiety state.  For an athlete especially, being and feeling connected to one’s body is critical.  What could he have done differently?  Well since he started feeling “off” when he was warming up in the bull pen, he could have seen that as a sign that he needed to do one (or all) of the following: (And this holds true for anyone out there who might be feeling “off” just prior to a big performance.)

1. Take a few moments and stop everything and reboot your personal computer, your brain.  This means simply closing your eyes, exhaling slowly 3 times, then saying to yourself, “My mind is a blank screen.”  After a few seconds open your eyes and refocus on the task at hand.
2. Take a few moments and with your mind’s eye, do a body scan, noting where you might be holding tension or - if you re feeling disconnected with your body, you can now re-connect by mentally embracing all parts of your body, noting how important your body is to your performance.
3. Remind yourself of your past successes and your performance goals (which are differnt from outcome goals; we have no control over outcome, only our own performance).
4. Ask yourself what might interfere with the upcoming performance such as unrealistic expectations, negative self-talk, worry, etc.  Then once identified, work to reframe these thoughts into something that is either realistically positive or neutral.
5. Determine if you need to calm down or get revved up.  If the former, focus on exhaling slowly.  If the latter, engage in a brief stint of physical exercise.

These are just a few things Kazmir might have done that could have made a difference.  Of course, I’m happy he didn’t!

I recently met with a business client (who I will call Linda - not her real name, of course) who complained of intense stage fright prior to giving presentations. She said she was mostly okay once she started but suffered in the time leading up to the event. 

What was the suffering all about?  Well, Linda, like most people, had created a story in her head that she was reacting to as if it were real.

The story went like this: “I’m not good at this.  They won’t like me.  They will discover I am an imposter.  They will lose respect for me.”  Who wouldn’t suffer, hearing these terrible accusations! (Isn’t it interesting how nasty we can be towards ourselves?  Who would say such things to another person?)

Linda was surprised to discover that her head was filled with such stuff but then negative thinking is so automatic, most people aren’t aware of it.  They’re only aware that they feel lousy.

I asked Linda to write out her story in detail.  Actually writing down the story is important since we process information differently when we write it than if we simply think about it.  Plus there’s something impressive about seeing your own personally created story in black and white.

Linda’s story began like this: “Once upon a time there was a woman named Linda who gave a talk to her business colleagues and her boss.  Linda really bombed.  She was inept and boring and everyone snickered at her incompetence…”

Once the story was written, we analyzed it.  First she was asked if she really beleived the story to be true and if so, what was the evidence to support her belief?  At this point, she laughed because she saw that she had no hard evidence; it was all conjecture based on nothing concrete.  Linda was then asked to create an alternative story that could be supported by evidence.  At first, Linda thought that she had no evidence since she really had no idea how people might respond to her presentation.  But then she recalled that she had given a presentation prevously to some of the same people and that several told her she had done a fine job.  Ah ha! so, could she build a new story based on that experience, I wondered? 

Yes indeed.  Here is Linda’s alternative story:  “Once upon a time Linda gave a talk to her business colleagues and she managed to get through it alive and in one piece.  No one died.  No one threw things at her.  No one told her she was stupid.  No one fired her.  As a matter of fact, 2 people told her she did a good job.”

After writing this second story, Linda’s anxiety lessened.  Note that the second story wasn’t pollyanna-ish wonderful; it was mostly neutral but that was enough to remove the impact and power of the negativity of the original story.

Now if some of you are wondering - what if she did bomb in the past…how do you change that? Here’s the answer.  You don’t pretend something is okay if it isn’t.  If she bombed in the past, I  would invite her to view that as data, as information that can be useful. How?  We would look at what factors were in play.  Was she adequately prepared and did she have command over her material?  Did she connect with her audience?  Could people hear her?  How was the talk organized? In other words, we would look at what went well and what went wrong and then we would find ways to correct what went wrong to ensure that it wouldn’t happen in the future.